USELESS FURNITURE

O.K., So I was going to let G. market his new and improved bunk bed design, then I read an article on sleep. I already forgot where, but I always listen to or read anything at all I can find on the subject of sleep, for nostalgia’s sake in part and in part I am hoping to find an answer to life’s biggest question, “How do I get my kids to sleep?” ? My first started out life going 6 hours binges without sleep. Just in case you haven’t had any kids, this is not actually normal. It’s all gone downhill from there. So in this article some authority actually said you should never let your kids do anything in bed but sleep in it. Don’t read, study, eat, watch T.V., play, whatever in it. This way they won’t get confused what it is for. I guess that might put a cramp on slingshot beds; and beds with forts built into them, and bunk beds with slides built onto them. But do you know what? I might as well build a bed that does that and so much more, because even without all those things, my kids have always used their beds for anything but sleeping in. They use the mattress off the top bunk to make a slide to go down. They build forts with blanket walls, they make spider webs with dental floss all over them. They jump on them. That’s why I finally decided to get a tramp. I figured it was safer to do back flips on than a bed. They EAT in them, against my will. They store everything including rotisserie chicken under their pillows in hopes of hiding them from me. I really do feed them! I don’t know why they need to do this. Anyhow, come bed time, they are all allergic to their beds. THEIR beds, not mine. Not even couches, or your brother’s bed if he’s in it, but your own bed is SCARY. What I’ve wanted to do for years is just put a bunch of hooks in the walls all over the house and give each one a hammock. They can hang it wherever they want as long as they take it down in the morning. Only problem with this is, what will they do with the hammocks? And the hooks? I don’t want to go there.
So, the other problem we have is the kitchen table. It seems to be a display item in a furniture store. I have to just about tie them down to get them to eat at it, and no one can seem to remain seated long enough to actually finish a meal. Getting all 7 of us to sit down at the same time is like orchestrating a school carnival. By the time I accomplish that, I’ve usually lost my appetite and I need to go take a nap to recover my strength. Now everyone knows how important it is for the family to eat together, and if we don’t families are going to disintegrate, right? So I live with a lot of guilt. I just keep trying though, but I was thinking maybe if I put the beds in the kitchen…