Thing 2 isms

He's a barrel of laughs but I too often forget the great things he says. Here's just two I haven't forgotten yet.

I came home from a day at the church doing a clothing exchange. Enigma was making a blanket and the boys had been given free reign. There was stuff everywhere. It looked like a tornado hit the house. "What happened here?" I asked. "A struggle?" Thing 2 answered. Enigma and I laughed, "Yeah, that's what it looks like, alright!" Then thing 2 asked, "What's a struggle anyways?"

We were watching a DVD and there was a preview for the movie 2012. Enigma mentioned that if the world really did end in 2012 she would only be 21. And what a pathetic life, she added. Then she turned to Thing 2, "You would be, hmm."
"What?" he asked. If the world ended in 2012, you would be what?"
"Dead!" He answered.

Day of the Dead

This year we decided to make calaveras, little sugar skulls that are used to decorate altars or to give little kids cavities when they eat them. Why? My boys have been bugging me for about 3 years to make them. So, we made them. This is what they are supposed to look like:

I was foolish enough to walk away and get something else done while they decorated theirs with frosting. This is what I found:
Thing 1 is a minimalist-less is more! Or he's carving in the skull injuries that caused this poor one's demise.This guy got into a silly string fight...


With this one, who lost.
A bystander green beret got mixed up in the fray.

This one was mistaken for a forensic face reconstruction kit- turns out it was the Hulk's skull they found. So luckily there were a few untouched ones and they turned out a little more traditional. I would recommend using real decorator tips and bags instead of snipping a little hole and letting the kids have blowouts on the tops and sides. You have way more control with the real thing. Here's our results:






Except to me, especially at this angle,
they look a lot like this guy:

Things I Never Imagined I'd Say To My Kids (At Least Not Before I Met Them...)

Copying, coloring in, and cutting out reams of the school's reward bucks is called forgery. It also wastes ink, and I will confiscate them.

Never put out a lighter with the vacuum cleaner!

Hiding the lighter under your pillow isn't such a bright idea either...

Stuffing a dollar store toy axe up your shirt and into your armpit isn't just uncomfortable, it's shoplifting. Violators will be prosecuted...

This is not a safe experiment.

If you get a tattoo on your neck, I can promise you will live to regret it.

Things My Mom Forgot To Tell Me:

Parenting is loads harder than it looks.

Hosted by Cecily and Kelli

Thing 1

Make a Smilebox postcard

Random Update-Hopelessly Late

At least I don't have to worry about hopelessly late meaning a baby's on the way anymore. :) It seems like ever since I got my big fat calling life has been super busy. I immediately started getting thrown into these situations which taught me that my life is so simple compared to other people's. Along the way we took in 2 dogs and one person. I also did a lot of pro bono work for another person in a mess. Everyone is off on their own now. Those dogs barked, chewed up everything, broke through the fence, somehow got the lock off the gate, played escape artist and got out of their harnesses and pulled up their stakes and somehow found themselves tied up in new random places in the back yard, got into a neighbor's and all but killed their chicken, and on and on. I don't guess we'll be getting a dog anytime soon, and Enigma is cured of that dog fever too.

Meanwhile, I got a cold with a weird cough and then a sinus infection and then after that the cough came back and then on top of that, I got seasonal allergies, plus I kept having these episodes where my throat got so tight I couldn't breathe well and the Dr. sent me to the ER one Saturday night to make sure it wasn't because my lungs were filling up with liquids because a heart valve was failing or anything spooky like that. After doing that fun evening with Papi, I told him next Saturday we would have to go out to someplace less expensive and more entertaining. Of course there is no real explanation for what is going on, so they just prescribed $50 medicine to see if it helps. I haven't had any bad episodes, but I still have the cough and some tightness off and on. Also, I had a very intense pain in my neck and lower back that had me all stiff and uncomfortable, so I have been seeing a chiropractor for that. I've also had acupuncture! It's amazing. I love it.

So, next Papi decided to take me on a lunch date to the ER, he started having numbness, tingling, weakness and heaviness in his left arm. Finally after a few weeks it got so bad he decided to call the doctor while he was at work and make an appointment. The doctor sent him to the ER. After an EKG, blood tests and Cat scan they decided he didn't have any heart problems or stroke so they ordered an MRI to see if there is any kind of nerve problem. More bills, but at least nothing bad is happening.

It seems like we have had a flurry of activities. We did a BBQ or Asado as we know it with friends over Labor Day, had a few get togethers with family and friends. We had our Independence Day party with the Chileans. Wewent to a campout with our old ward and got a little lost on the way. Nice scenery. I attended a BYU football game with Papi, and they totally played like kindergarteners and lost, so I'm now back to being banished from games. I'm not really sorry. It was fun to go do that with him, but after not going to games for so long, it seemed like a stadium full of total nut cases. First on the way in there are people making hand gestures in order to pretend they are not looking for tickets and it makes them look like a bunch of people on the spectrum stimming. Then you see the cheerleaders and the pom poms which just seem silly, and the people freaking out over every play like it's a matter of life and death, it's kinda hilarious really. Then there's all those cute boys on the field almost killing themselves every few minutes, thus possibly eliminating my future son in law before his time...BUT after a while the whole thing kind of grows on you.

Before that date, I took the kids to a pic-nic for kids with craniofacial problems and we met a girl who has had the first stages of a rib graft ear reconstruction! That was really exciting for us because we got to see what it's like up close and personal. I really wanted Carino to see what it's like, especially before it's done. We had a lot to share with each other there and will keep in touch.

Work has been dead, as in not enough work. The economy has hit my profession. I'm looking into going back to school and branching out into other related professions. Meanwhile, Papi is slowly starting an import/export business. Anyone who has good info on that, we would surely appreciate it.

The kids are doing pretty good in school this year, and we love all our teachers. Sometimes it is hard keeping up with it all and getting things handed in, etc. My curly headed boy has started pulling his hair on his head out, and has kept scabs going so long on his chest that we decided to get him some treatment for that. Hopefully this will help. The older boys are starting to really get along better most of the time, but now the younger set are into their standoff phase. Hooray! So much fun.

Enigma is in beauty school now and loves it. Sometimes it is frustrating, but she is doing good and very enthusiastic so far. After 6 weeks core she starts going Tuesday through Saturday and will start working the salon there. She's also going to do a makeup training because that's what she's most interested in anyways.

Papi went out and got a new TV. Our old one was cracked and so we couldn't see the corner where the channel comes up, and it only took analog signals so he couldn't hook up the computer to watch soccer games. Now the new and improved much larger one is in our living room. Now all I want is to finish fixing up the living room so it doesn't look half done. That's what I asked for as a birthday present. For the last 2 years... but instead I got a party with empanadas- ham and cheese or shrimp, bbq meat, rice, tomato salad and a torta de hojas cake- so awesome!

Church is going fine, I've managed to intercept nerf guns sneaking in, but one of my offspring managed to sneak in those popper firecrackers. He put them under people's tires and "dropped" some on the sidewalk as people were leaving. I loved conference. Church in PJ's and excellent messages. The calling is going fine. My head feels like it is going to explode I have so much to do and I'm trying to figure out how and when to do everything. Not my forte. It's been lots of fun getting to know people better. Once we get all our helpers called and trained and get Visiting Teaching info out, things should slow a teeny bit. I'm working on a lesson with a program for the women this month too, and luckily my theme seemed to be a conference theme so now I have tons of backup material. Sweet! Right away after I started this job, our ward was in charge of a Stake activity where we fed everyone tamales and such, and then had a latin folklore program. It was awesome! The mosquitoes were too. Tea tree oil really works, people! Try it. Repels the bugs and heals the bites.

One of the Things did an interesting thing to his forehead.
With this:


What will they think up next? I will tell you next time...this almost sort of brings us up to date. More to come.

I'm in Love

This story brought to you by...
Hosted by Cecily and Izzy 'N Emmy

Move over Papi...
Well lucky for him IKEA isn't a man or he'd be in trouble. My Enigma begged me to take her to IKEA before she goes back to school so we finally went. It might seem shocking that I've never been there before, but I don't go shopping if I can help it, and going shopping somewhere that's about 1/2 hour away or more is,well, not likely to happen at all unless I'm inspired by a more human cause like bonding with my offspring (Of course, usually I don't choose to bond with them in stores. I usually try not to commit infanticide in stores is all.)
Oh, but people, IKEA is a soothing balm to the harried disorganized disheveled mess of a housewife whose house is all full of holes in the wall and really wants to find balance and harmony in home organization and practical beauty. It is AWESOME! It is full of little organizing things that truly work for the right brained mind. It is so aesthetically pleasing to the eye. Plus, kid play place if you have them along, cinnamon bun bar, restaurant and awesome showrooms, and stuff for a myriad of budgets, plus fun stuff like Swedish groceries and as my brother pointed out, you could live there. It has bathrooms, beds, sofas, kitchens, food, and so on. Now my brother and I will have a bonding tie between our two opposite existences-Beaver Cleaver vs. Dennis the Menace. Super Ultra Conservative vs. Artsy Nonconformist. Now we can stop trying to come to an agreement on politics that always leads right back into the conclusion that everyone should be responsible and BOY DE WE NEED CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM, bad enough that I think he should take my side on that one. But now, now I might just turn into a materialistic puppet who forgets all hope of world peace and end to hunger everywhere in exchange for the peace of a redecorated reorganized home.

WOW! We spent almost 2 hours in that store and I could have easily spent another hour at least in there. This is coming from the one who can't stand to spend more than an hour in any store on earth without feeling ill.

I am in love, love, love! Now I just need to find a way to earn enough money to get some things we could really truly use badly! Like entertainment center storage and wardrobe storage. Meanwhile, we settled for some little stuff. Remember the magnet thing I did? Oh there are so many magnetic options in that store, it would make your head spin. Here's what I got. This first one has no magnets, that was just to confuse you. Now I have a place to keep those pesky potholders, dishrags, pens, sponges, etc. Next I got this magnetic strip and some containers, but I did a switcheroo with the office containers because they have a few spice openings on the lids.See? No you don't need glasses, I need photography school.
Now the office supply corner looks like this:And just below that I have a new little table to go over my file box and to hold my cubbies. I realize this looks messy to most, but for me, it's nearly tidy. If I can just learn to file now, we will be in business.
So all this stuff was under $9 each and some stuff was less than a dollar, but it's sorta like Walmart, it adds up. I built the table and hung the stuff in the kitchen myself. The table was a breeze but I'm a klutz with tools. It was scary, but I got the job done because Papi is jealous. Just kidding! He's too busy working and when he ever gets a free moment, he has to hang up the other thing I got called....rings! I think that's what they're called. Like they hang on ropes and you swing on them or do awesome gymnastics, or destroy your house, but that's happening anyways, so why not invest some of that destructive energy in a step towards a world class gymnastics career? Or the ER...Some moms never learn. But it was just made for my boys. It seemed safer than the swing... and the chair that hangs from the ceiling was out of stock...or temporarily understocked as they say in Swedish.

P.S. This is not an infomercial. I'm really just in love. No one paid me to post this, but I think it would be awesome if IKEA rewarded me with free stuff for the free advertising. IKEA on the other hand, probably figures that since I'm the last one in all capitalist countries to walk into their stores, they didn't need the advertising. Too bad for me. Maybe it will happen in a dream someday. I'm dreaming of Swedish Meatballs....with this song in the background

The Last Laugh Was at My Expense

Here's the joke that involves Mormon culture I promised a while ago. If you need help the Mormon words can be found in all caps in my terminology guide on my sidebar.
We will call this joke The Gods Must Be Crazy II. If you aren't related, you probably never read The Gods Must Be Crazy I, but it was the e-mail I sent out about finding out I was having twins, a week after we had a brand new $13,ooo debt dumped on us, and we still had two boys in diapers. It was so fun. The good news is we survived. So, without further ado, the longish version of The Gods Must Be Crazy II.
A few months ago, my husband got called to be the Ward Clerk. We got a call from the Stake Clerk to meet with the Stake President. Papi was so sure I was getting a calling. He knew from past experience that they would ask the spouse first if they would be supportive of the calling before extending it to the "victim". We were supposed to meet with them right after our meetings, but during the last meeting, Relief Society for me, I was sent back to the stake offices. The president explained they wanted to call my husband to be ward clerk, and I was relieved it wasn't me, except in hindsight, if it had been for me, it would have been a stake calling, and frankly, they're not that bad. Anyhow, then I went to sit in the hall and the men were meeting right next door, so when Papi went in to meet with the Stake President, he didn't see me. The first thing the president did was ask him some questions to make sure he was worthy and the whole time he was super confused, because why did he need to be worthy for me to have a calling? Then they called me back in and explained. I had a good laugh at his expense. So, a few weeks ago, he comes home and he just says to me, you'd better prepare yourself. What does that mean? It has been common knowledge that both our ward Relief Society and Primary presidencies are due for changes. He just said, changes are about to be made and the list of possibilities is shrinking. This insinuated that I was on that puny list. He said the bishop was praying about it. I figured Papi could just be trying to get me back for not getting the calling last time and so he decided to scare me. But then again, better safe than sorry. If the bishop is praying about this, I thought, guess who else will? Dueling prayers, lets see who wins. Do I have more clout than the bishop? I thought I would. I planned to pray harder. Right. But, I get sidetracked. I just told God that I'm always willing to help, but considering the fact that I can't even get everyone dressed in the morning, get food on the table every evening, or realize what time it is to get everyone in bed at night, I really wasn't in a very good position to take on more responsibility. I mean, before putting me in that position he really ought to think of my family's needs first. After having that little prayer in my heart, I felt pretty peaceful. He knew. I figured I could end up being a Primary song leader or something like that to help the kids, and certainly there were other people who could handle the head honcho positions much better.

So, about a week and a half later, I'm finishing my "ogre lady" thing, and I get snagged by the Bishop. He wants to have a little talk with me. And he just starts chatting and asking my opinion about the Relief Society, and I'm thinking how novel to ask the sister's opinions. I thought, next he'll move on to the Primary, as he was acting like he just wanted some feedback. I figured if I was lame enough in my responses, he'd also eliminate me as a candidate for either President. Then instead of moving on to the Primary, reader's digest version, he asks me to be the Relief Society president. I totally did NOT expect this. Not even after my husband warned me. Not even after the bishop approached me, not even after he started talking about the Relief Society. I know, I'm dense. It just seemed impossible. I think I'm pretty sure I laughed at him. I remember telling him some good reasons why that was a bad idea. Then he told me some irritating reasons why it was a good idea. Then I'm not sure if I was abducted by aliens or what because I have amnesia, but suddenly I realized we were just sitting there and I don't know if he'd been saying anything or not, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't, so after playing dumb and acting like I wasn't sure if I understood the question, we got my husband in on the conversation and then the Bishop left it entirely up to my free agency and gave me time to talk it over with my husband and pray before deciding. How annoying. I bet bishops secretly love turning your life upside down like that and watching all the crazy reactions people have. Honestly, I thought the bishop had his wires crossed. I kept asking him if he wasn't confused about what position I was supposed to have, but he kept being sure he meant what he said. So, after much confusion and bewilderment, my husband and God have talked me into saying yes. The only thing I am sure of is that the reasons why I was chosen are compelling and if I don't share the gifts God gave me, it's doubtful I'm going to get His help in the areas I'm lacking in either. Apparently, all the things I'm going to mess up don't even matter, it just matters that I'm going to do the main thing I was chosen to do the best I can. It has something to do with this post (the last few paragraphs only), plus some professional skills I've developed such as neutrality and objectivity and being oh so sure I'm not the judge. How on earth someone who can't make it through her laundry is going to add these responsibilities to the list is something I totally don't get. I know I can't let my family take second place no matter what happens. But Isaiah55:8-9 came to my mind:

8 ¶ For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.

9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

Or in other words, He sees it differently. I think I need to subtract from my agenda instead of adding to it, but He thinks something like this is going to teach me how to do my life better, or something... Excuse me if I still kind of suspect chaos will happen first. I just know myself.

I'm just taking that big leap of faith because that's the thought that I kept getting- To take a leap of faith. I need to take a big leap of faith. Sure hope there's a net under there!........
And a massage therapist. My neck is killing me. I've only been serving in this position for less than 24 hours and the circus has already begun.