It is NOT Good to Run Out of Scotch Tape on December 21

At least there was matching Duct Tape lying around...

For more Christmas Crazy, see Burgh Baby.
For past Christmas Crazy at my house why not start here?Or here would be great too. Or way back here.Or even here.
My tree looks almost normal this year. Only an occasional bionicle makes a call. I'll try to add pictures before the season's over.

Talent? Show Folleys

Last Friday we had a Ward Talent Show. It was pretty much thrown together at the last minute. They asked each organization to prepare 2 numbers. None of us in the presidency planned on performing, but it took forever to get people to come practice and in the end, most of us had to perform. It would have been much better with more practice, but we had a lot of fun and everyone loved it. We know better for next time, we'll immediately call someone and put them in charge of the numbers! We did a sketch based on a video a friend put on her blog. We were a team of synchronized swimmers. The funny thing for us was, we never practiced with the goggles, and didn't realize they steam up and you can't see what you're doing. Plus, after each step our minds would go blank and we'd have to remember what came next. I think we laughed as hard as the audience. Since I have no shame, I will add it here. Beforehand we had the announcer say that although everyone knows we have a volleyball team, few know the Relief Society also has a Synchronized Swimming team which has been practicing clandestinely in the baptismal font. But, now that we are headed to the Olympic trials, we decided to do our debut performance for the ward.

Don't miss the Grand Finale!

The bishop said he never imagined in a million years we would come up with something like that. I told him we're just getting started...next time our rhythmic gymnastics team will be ready...haha!
Then my Carino also "prepared" a break dance for the Primary. They could never organize a rehearsal, so he and another boy talked about what they would do and just got up and did it without really practicing more than 5 minutes. They cracked us up, they are huge hams! Here's a big chunk of their performance:

Our second number was a dance, la Pollera Colorada but due to technical difficulties, I can't get it to upload. You're probably sick of videos by now as it is. There were some other really fun numbers, we had some great Tahitian dancing among other things and we all had a fun night. you would think what with all the jumping around making a fool of myself and dancing, I might have gotten an injury doing those numbers, but no. Since I'm truly talented, I got injured making Christmas cards at the church a few days before. It takes talent, but I was up to the task. I had my bag set off to the side and my cell phone went off. I ran like a ninny to go get it and realized there was a car seat in my way and tried to jump over it and got tangled in the handle and wham! Down I went right on my right front tooth. Luckily, it is strong and stayed in it's place. I did get a nice fat lip, but with ice, it ended up looking like a botched collagen injection job. Who'd a thought you could get a lip job for so cheap? I'd have a great picture of that except I don't know where it disappeared to. Maybe I'll add it another day. That's all for now, we're getting ready to sub for Santa among other things. Hope to catch up on all of you soon!

What's a Mother to DO?

There are two kinds of moms in the world. The kind that is going crazy because their home is decorated in Early Food Fight, and those who swear," Oh, no! I never EVER let anyone eat outside the kitchen!" They always leave out how they manage to accomplish this. Those of us in the former category (Does that shock you that I'm in the former category? No? Just that I would ask? Very well, then!)-AS I was saying, FOR the RECORD, those of us whose homes look like they were painted by a dispose-all do not LET our offspring eat outside the kitchen. No. We do NOT say, "honey, here's some peanut butter and jelly, go run in the living room to play with it and eat a bit of it!" I willingly admit that some of these morsels get by me because I'm an airhead, but I bet if I hired guards at the entrances to the kitchen, occasionally, even they would get duped. We are once again at that stage where I long for a new decor. So, I decided I needed to make a clear simple rule and follow through. I told my kids that every time I found any food in the same room as the Wii, NO ONE could use it for a week. If I found food in the vicinity of the computer, no computer for a week. If I found food within a 20 foot radius of the TV, no TV for a week. No one can use the Wii till Saturday. No one can use the TV till Monday. There's just one problem. Now I keep finding crumbs and leftover food in the bathroom. Some wars you just can't win. How can I tell them they can't use the bathroom for a week?

P.S. What the freaking heck is wrong with eating in the kitchen?????!!! Someone please, please tell me now. I'm dying to know.

It All Started With Exercising...

Or we could call this long post Self Awareness 101. (only took me 45 years to get it.)

On January 1, I started exercising for my health and to get an insurance discount. Because I'm stubborn and nobody tells me I can't do something. So I started following along on some exercise shows on Fit TV, and that lead to watching a show that came on after it called Neat. Premise- a professional organizer goes to people's houses and straightens out their messes. She tailored some of the organizing techniques to their personalities and it got me to thinking that maybe there was a way for even me to get organized. I also realized that I put off doing so many things and miss out on so much better quality time with my family because of my disorganization. I started to realize how much it is holding me back and adding stress on top of it all. So, I decided that if I'm ever going to not waste my life away, I'm going to have to establish more order in it. I did one thing from the show that was so cool. If only I could post a picture, I would show you. But I can't so I will just leave that for another post someday when the planets align to allow me to upload photos again.

Anyhow, my first baby step got all the supplies everyone uses upstairs out of my armoire. Then I learned that a room can't have too many functions. It just turns out that this gave me a whole new understanding. The big problem with my office is it has the function of personal office, overflowing food storage and freezer holder, sewing, art and craft supplies of all kinds storage, keeper of book shelves full of books and all the photographs and memories that haven't been turned into scrapbooks storage, as well as the dumping ground for everything that has no home or needs to be hidden, like sharp objects and gifts. So, what I needed to do was move some (most) of those functions to somewhere else! I decided to set up a craft and sewing area at one end of my family room. And opposite that, add some food storage. This revelation came just in time because I'm afraid to say that this is what my office was looking like. A picture would do what a thousand words can't but every surface was piled up high, the floor was completely covered with boxes and things that got dragged in there by my daughter one day to make room for a party, and things were falling out of the open overhead cupboards. Usually my room is bad but not as bad as those clean sweep show before shots. This was worse, way worse.

So I hauled everything out in the open to the family room, and then went through all the actual cupboards and stuff, chucking things and organizing my office. I thought it looked so cool, till a week later I went to show it to a friend and realized it is not that awesome looking if you hadn't seen the before picture. Now it's already getting messy, and the family room is overridden with things that need to be separated into keep, give away and throw away piles and then the keepers need a new home. I separated things into categories and there it has all sat for 3 months now. Just can't get back to it. In about 2 weeks the kids will be back in school and I won't have any time at all to work on it. Because then we start the get everyone up, ready, and off to school thing followed by work, appointments and phone calls, followed by kid pick-ups, then getting them changed, snacked and de-stressed and on to their homework and chores, then dinner then get ready for bed routines and on top of all that, even when I have time, I can't figure out how to embrace it. Because of the next part of this story, which is...

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, as I was beginning my baby steps, I happened to go to the kid's doctor who happened to ask if I was aware of CHADD, which is an ADD support organization. Yes, I am. But when I first looked it up, there was just a puny website. That was in the infancy of the net, and considering how much info I got off the new facial deformity sites, a little idea hatched in my mind called re-check-it-out. It's huge, and I signed up, and I chatted: did anyone know of a good source of help for organizing a home full of ADDers? I was suggested Organizing From the Inside Out. Good book. I also checked on my local chapter. I wrote down the next meeting. Or two. The second one coincided with 2 other commitments, but when they fell through, I decided to go check it out. I was really late, but guess what? They had invited a PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZER to teach us how to organize our lives. Is that serendipity or what? She gave us a handout with some reference materials. One book was called ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life. Awesome read, plus, I was right! Dressers DO NOT WORK if you have ADD. I suspected this. We need shelves (sturdy, unbreakable, bolted to the wall so they won't fall over kind, with rounded edges so we won't need stitches after we fly into them.) Then we need to have transparent tubs to put our things in. And since we don't have anyone under 5, we don't need to lock that all behind closed doors, either! And probably no one will pee in those tubs at this point, but that is a post for another day. Now to digress a little, with a reason.

Often I have had doubts about the whole ADD diagnosis, because really, for my kids the sensory issues, the anxiety, the depression, the ODD, have sort of made the other ADD issues seem like side issues. Science has now caught up with my kids and they realize there are all these related issues now. No one talked about that before and I could write a whole post on this issue...but that's a subject for another day too.

The point is, I was about to have one of those moments where all the little tumblers fall into place. As we finished up with the CHADD meeting, someone was mentioning a watch they saw in the latest issue of Attention! Magazine. It has like 40 alarms and messages you can add and stuff to keep you on track. Someone asked, "Is it submersible?" And that's when I knew I was in the right place. These were my kind of people. They got what was going on at my house. I was home. Of course, they need help getting their meetings more organized and getting the word out. It's sort of like the procrastinators club, where meetings keep getting postponed. Everyone needs someone else to organize the dang thing, but who can do it when living with all the distractibility, impulsivity, hyperactivity, etc. that goes on in your life if you belong to this group? Not me, not yet anyways.

So, anyhow, I got home from that meeting, hunted down the book I just mentioned and read it, plus another one called Driven from Distraction that was on the list. It's all about ADD and how to handle it. It talks a lot about what it's like to be an adult with ADD. I started hearing "Killing Me Softly With His Song" in the back of my mind while I read this book. It sounded uncomfortably familiar. Sort of like someone's life I know all too well. When My oldest was diagnosed, I got an explanation about how they diagnose you as having a certain number of symptoms from a list of symptoms to a degree that goes beyond what is normal for the person's age, and starts before age 7 and lasts longer than a year and shows up in at least two areas of their life. Well, I wasn't born yesterday, I knew I was distractible enough, but the whole X number of symptoms by x age to x degree blah blah blah, I just didn't think I fit it. Well, since then there have been sub sets of types of ADD that have been defined and much more is understood about how differently it is manifest in females, and when you get done with those explanations, I don't have a lot of room to hide. I still thought I wasn't as bad as all that, till I started noticing that half those things I thought I didn't do when I was reading this book, I was in reality doing. Slowly I realized that not only was I a type add personality, the biggest struggles and stresses of my life are due to ADD symptoms, and even if I eliminate the ones inflicted on me by my kids, which obviously would ameliorate the symptoms, I'm still facing the same issues with myself. I've always thought my symptoms weren't as bad as a lot of people who have ADD, but I also realized that I have built in a lot of crutches to help me overcome the tendencies that would make me as out of control as others I see. At some point, if you are holding too many balls for too long, the crutches fall out from under your armpits and all the balls start dropping. That is one of the reasons why even though I have spent most of this whole calendar year trying to improve things, I'm getting worse instead of better. I just couldn't keep it all together anymore. Ironically, I think exercising was the thing that put me over the edge and threw my minimal organization of my life in the disposal. SO, lucky for me I have some great reference material to help me learn to simplify my life. Except as much as I want to change all by myself, it isn't working yet. I keep forgetting what I'm supposed to do and when to do it, and I have no real concept of time to begin with. I finally realized I need help. Which is real hard for me to accept. I'm terrible at asking for help.

That's when I connected some other dots. Many years ago, I was dealing with some issues my oldest was having, and I learned in the process that with this kind of child, they need an over abundance of consistency in your dealings with them to help them get themselves together and learn to do what they need to do. Simple things like homework, for example. At the time, this seemed ironic. Seeing as how I'm not consistent. Except that I'm consistently inconsistent. That's what I'm most consistent at. Get it? So, I whined at God: "Why would you give a child that needed consistency to someone like me?" And I swear, I got an immediate answer. It was a thought, without words, but basically, it was "Exactly! How do you?" and the other part of what it meant was basically- If I give my kid a kid like herself, she'll have to learn to be consistent in order to get her child to be consistent. This hopefully will trick me into being consistent, seeing as how I wasn't going to have any reason to work on it otherwise. Am I explaining myself? Who am I kidding? Unless you're my mom or have NOTHING to do, you probably dropped off to sleep a long time ago. Anyhow, for my posterity, at the time this happened, I thought that this was it. I had to learn to be consistent. For the love of Enigma, I had to do it. I was determined. Except I kept forgetting and getting sidetracked. I kept trying to love more so I would stop letting things distract me. For years I have carried around the guilt that I had not learned to love my child enough to be as consistent with her as I need to be, or the rest of my family for that matter. Granted, for the best of people, when you are inundated with 5 crazy kids and an overworked spouse, this is going to be tricky. That was my excuse, but you know what? That spouse has told me a million times that ever since he knew me, I've been like this. Ever since he's known me he has usually silently accepted my not following through on things he wanted or needed me to do. Things I always wished I could do for him. I wanted to be a more attentive and doting wife, but obviously, I hadn't developed enough love in my heart to focus on him and do those things for him more consistently, either. Until it finally dawned on me. After carrying around this guilt for about 10 years now, I realize it has nothing to do with how much I love or don't love my family. It has to do with the fact that my brain needs help in order to be more consistent. So, it only took me a decade to figure out what I was supposed to do with that newsflash from God. Maybe he tried to elaborate, but I was already distracted thinking about how my love was going to give me the will power to become consistent. He is super patient. Even more patient than Papi. Definitely more patient than my kids. Or me. SO, now I'm trying to help my brain so my motivation can be more successful at things like making sure Enigma did the dishes before she went out with her friends. I'm finding my search for solutions less than successful, so far but encouraging. Baby steps. I need to find just the right mix of things. It is giving me whole new insights into my children's minds so it's not a total wash-up. I'll keep working on it because I do want to be consistent- because I do love my family. That's why I won't give up. That's why I'm remembering to work on consistency more often. It's the most frustrating job in the world. It's also why I need to stop and go read a bedtime story to someone. Good night.

Abscence of Sibling Rivalry

For some strange reason, I found myself reading the book Siblings Without Rivalry recently. No one who knows Gigio and Carino could fathom their mom doing that, right? It did point out some great things for parents to do. At the same time, I found myself intrigued with some of the things that went on in the narrative. The book was presented as an account of a therapist going through a several week workshop with a group of parents. The people in the group were asked about their childhood experiences with siblings and it was amazing how these people who couldn't understand their chidren's conflicts were suddenly telling stories of their own sibling issues, emotions still raw. This was a point of reference for them to see their children's point of view.
I really gave pause to think at this, because I can't think of any similar experience of mine. I think if I combined all the sibling issues I saw in my home with 7 other siblings and myself, It wouldn't add up to a sum total of the last 10 years between just two of my children. I honestly cannot remember anything about my relationship with any of my siblings that still hurts or upsets me now or negatively affects my relationship with them. I don't remember having great horrible clashes with them either. I'm sure my reactions to them seemed over the top, but it blew over in my mind fast. Maybe, on the other hand, all my siblings resent me ;). I brought it up with the in town sibs last time I saw them. They laughed, but didn't admit to resenting me at least. :) I think some out of stater's ears were burning, but other than bringing up what their attitudes at the time were towards one another as kids, no one expressed any bad feelings in the present towards the others. My perception was that possibly the worst combinations weren't present, so I don't know how those sibs feel about each other, past and present. In any case, I never felt real deep hurt over anything. For the most part we just seemed to live and let live, and not take things too personally. I think my parents were exceptional at appreciating us each exactly as we are and having faith in what we could become. Once in a child development class in college, the prof walked in and asked us if our parents had a favorite child. About half raised their hands. Then he asked how many had parents that didn't have favorites. Most of the rest raised their hand, me included. Then he told my group that we were the favorites. But, as I asked my siblings, they agreed there weren't favorites. When I look at extended family relationships, my grandparents with their children and grandchildren, I see the same thing. I remember my aunt telling me once that there were a handful of us nieces and nephews that she could relate to more, because we were more like her, but that she didn't love the others any less. It would be boring if we were all like her and she just loved who each of us was just as much as the next one. While I do think there are those in my family that have had a harder time with these issues, maybe some are resolved, others not, overall, that was the type of attitude that went down. On my part, I'm sure I'm not the child my mom understands and relates to. Often, her chagrin and amazement was apparent throughout my years in her care. Once as an adult she mentioned to me that I was the one she worried the most about being sure of her love because of that. I know that even though I'm very different, she does love me very much and really appreciates me for who I am. It doesn't matter how much more she relates to my other siblings, I know she love me just as much. Or maybe, put another way, she loves me enough. As for my siblings, I feel like the odd person. I'm just really different from them. But I don't feel left out. I feel totally comfortable being with them, and the vibes I get in return are the same.
I'm realizing that maybe my family is amazing or a bit unusual to be this way. How much? You tell me. What were your experiences with your sibs? Do you feel you carry any scars or lasting damage to your relationship? Out of town sibs of mine, voice your opinion on the subject. Please?
Another interesting side note about adult siblings in the book I read was that these people taking the workshop started to see how their childhood might have been as equally hard on their siblings, so they talked to them and aired out their old issues and many became closer friends because of it, or let go of negative self esteem issues because of their new awareness.
If we look at siblings and their rivalry and expand it to the world and nations, we can see parallels there too. It would be so nice if we could solve some of these issues and get along better. Don'cha think?
Bottom line, I'm really glad I got the family that I did. I love you guys!
I'll let you know how it goes with the Thornies, as my kids have been known to call themselves.

P.S. I wrote about the sibling rivalry of conservationists and conservatives over at my think tank. Tell me what you think should be done with those two. And do you think Americans suffer from affluenza? Read the previous post and give me your thoughts on that subject too. Because I like musing about these things with other people, and if you muse along with me I won't end up having sibling issues or feelings of rejection either.

Neurological Condition

Every day I find myself saying something to the kids and somehow, I just don't say what I mean to. I'm not sure what disorder we can attribute this to, but I need treatment fast.

For example, every single night of my life, I think I say to my kids, "It's time to get ready for bed. Go brush your teeth, take a shower and get to bed." That's what I think and that's what I'd swear comes out of my mouth. But, no. Apparently that is not what I say, not even when I repeat myself because the minute they tune into my message, they run off to the kitchen and start foraging for food. The only conclusion I can draw from this is that I must really be saying, "Go eat."

The same thing happens when I tell them to do their chores. I think I say "Get to work," instead, I appear to be saying, "Go have a snack," because off they go to build sandwiches. Do your homework? No, I'm still asking them to eat more. Get ready for church, school, the dentist, a party, the store, you name it? No matter where I send them, it somehow comes out "Go to the fridge, leave the freezer and fridge doors wide open while trying to decide whether or not to consume every single item inside."

Please, help me someone, before my spoken vocabulary is reduced to one single imperative word- "Eat!" (And the sad part? When I mean to say eat? They don't obey.)

Crime Scene Investigation and another Mystery to Solve

Enigma thinks this looks like a crime scene. If you were a CSI, could you solve the crime? What happened and how?

Closer up.

A closer view of some splatter.

And why, might you ask, is my table in my living room? Better levitation techniques on the part of the poltergeist? Or what? Will there be a prize for those that resolve these mysteries? That is just another mystery.


If you give up, the solution is here.

Sacred Holes

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Most people don't decorate their homes by poking holes in their walls. Most people, if they accidentally knock a hole in a wall fix it as soon as possible. Most people aren't 2 years old. This is good for a whole lot of reasons. We didn't originally plan to have walls that looked like Swiss cheese, but the destructomobile of four sensory seeking boys just got ahead of us. My husband isn't lazy, he works two jobs and goes to school part time, so things just have to wait a lot. One day, my husband finally decided to patch up a big hole in our bedroom. The twins got in before it dried... (that sad tale is just a corollary of a very long day you can read about here-and really, it's a lot better story than this one :)). Anyhow, they took a liking to the taste of drywall and soon there were holes being carved out of the walls everywhere. I asked the doctor about this new diet of theirs, but he said as long as they were eating all the other normal foods as well and staying a normal weight, not to worry about it. Of course, none of HIS walls were involved. What did he have to worry about?
There was a really big hole in the basement near the rocking chair, which facilitated it's growth. It got so big, I was afraid they were going to tunnel out of the house before it got fixed, so it was called the tunnel to China hole. Then there was the mother of all holes. It was big and it was halfway down the stairwell to the basement, so it was DEEP and it was just the right height for a 4 year old to use. We called it THE BLACK HOLE. Many people blame a black hole for eating up things that they can't find, but in our house, there really was a black hole responsible for several missing items. Everything imaginable went into that chasm. Occasionally, a brother's toy was sacrificed to the great black hole to appease it's hungry pit. Often wrappers or whole pieces of paper were thrown down there. An assortment of pencils and sippy cup plugs, and small articles of clothing made their way on down. And if that wasn't bad enough, I caught a few little elves on a number of occasions using the black hole as a urinal. I didn't know what to do but spray Lysol down it's gullet to try to disinfect and deodorize it. That black hole was becoming a source of great irritation and stress in my life. I really wanted it repaired.
One night, I melted down. Over ice cream. As I walked through the kitchen, I noticed the lid to a brand new carton of ice cream on the counter. No carton. I look in the freezer. No carton. I look in the fridge. No carton. I look all over the house. No carton. I interrogate 5 kids over and over and over again. Finally one kid cracks and tells me his brother (right!) threw it away. Well, then how come it wasn't in the garbage? Simple. It was in the black hole. A carton full of ice cream! That was it. That was the last straw. I called my husband at work and told him he had to find time to clean out the bowels of the black hole before someone threw a lighter down it and set the whole thing on fire. Then he had to patch it up forever.
Well, I wish I could say that was the end of the holes in our house, but they just kept appearing. One of the boys was determined to dismantle our home piece by piece, and had pulled off the molding around a few doors and started to chip away at the walls. One of those rooms was the bathroom. No privacy. My husband couldn't fix it because he was in South America fixing up his mom's house before it caved in around her. It seemed so oppressive to come home from that and find your wife wants you to keep working. So I got a great idea. Why not do a "While You Were Out" on him? So I asked the oldest of the boys who had watched all the wall patching how Papi did it, and he told me. I set out to follow his instructions and with the help of a great friend and babysitter, we painted the walls too. It looked great.
Except. There was this one hole in the hall outside the Things' bedroom. It kept re-appearing even after patching it back up 3 times. So we decided to leave it there. Just one hole. The "Sacred Hole" or "Orificio sagrado". We left it there to appease the boys. And there it remained for years. It grew a little and got some little dents to keep it company.Until there were enough holes in the walls that my husband felt compelled to go on a patching spree again. He patched all the holes up. Apparently, several of them were now sacred, because soon about 5 of them returned. Papi lectured the boys. He patched the holes back up. The holes returned yet again. Papi lectured much louder. He patched the holes again. Only 2 holes sprung a leak. Papi threatened. He patched the holes again. Now we had no holes, just polka dots.


Before he could even think of painting over those, he took the 2 oldest boys to a baseball game. They each got a ball. We have a new hole in the wall. And I'm not even going to talk about the new holes in a door, because it's just too depressing.
I give up. Maybe we should just let it go and call it the wailing wall? Maybe we can just paint some trompe l'oeil that makes it blend in? Maybe we should just resign ourselves to living in a dive till the kids leave home? Except then they'll probably bring their kids to visit...

Wantad

LOST: Patience. Every time I find it, it gets misplaced again shortly after. May be running away from me due to overload. Can't be sure. May be accompanied by my mind. If found, please return it to me.

Maybe He's Right

Papi always says, "Don't get them more toys for their birthday, get them clothes." What fun is that? They're kids, they're not interested in clothes. But then again, who needs toys if you've got clothes?


Someone in the background aren't taking advantage of the fact that he has his whole wardrobe to himself right now. Then they started undressing. It was hilarious. Here's just a clip in the middle.




Then they figured out all they needed to do was slide the pants down. Duh!

Rorschach, Anyone?

The psychologist is IN.
Take a seat, lean back on the comfortable couch.
So, what do you see in this?
Or this?
How about this?Did you see a giant with a big nose trying to stop a sneeze with a doorknob in the first one?
Or was it a cumulonimbus cloud with two funnels spouting downward?
Or maybe you saw Bill Clinton in a baseball cap lying on his back and trying to kiss you?
If so, you would be: A) playful, B) Paranoid, C) Either sick or desensitized to too much sex on T.V.
D) If you saw something else- you're probably normal.

What about the second one? Did you see the elongated shadow of a man holding a stick over his head and using another as a cane?
Or possibly you saw a swordsman on stilts?
Or is it a broken guitar chord? If so, you are: A) Pensive B) On the verge of a nervous breakdown C) Conflicted D) If you saw something else, you have great eyesight.

And as for the last one:
Did you see a fat bird hanging from a string? Or does it look like an angel shining a beacon into the sky-beaming home. Possibly you saw a dried up long stemmed rose, being dumped in the trash can. If you did, you're probably: A) Passive-agressive B) Overly optimistic C) Insecure or D) If you saw something else, you're probably creative.

BUT, if you saw the interior designs of your offspring who so charmingly peel the paint off ugly dark doors, then you would be A) Me or B) Papi. If you are neither of the above, I'm sure you're so jealous that I'm the only one with original Rorschach blots on my walls. And if you think that is exciting, stay tuned for my next installation, where we will visit the sacred holes.

P.S. Feel like taking more Rorschach tests? Go here http://www.stupidstuff.org/main/rorschach.htm
Enigma was watching me take it and I died laughing at my results. She kept saying, "How did they do that? How did they know? Here's my results:

Diagnostic Overview:
Your responses indicate that you wish for a world of peace, harmony, & nakedness. What's new? Like that's supposed to give us insight into your mind or something? Either you're excruciatingly normal, or you screwed up the test somehow. Take it again. People who answer as you did are always terrible at parking and usually take up two spaces.

Long-Term Prognosis:
You will need intensive therapy to succeed in living a normal life, however this also means you may make an excellent politician. Your answers clearly indicate you need a better wardrobe; this is often because of micro-manifestations of the id, conflicting with your unconscious mind (the one you use at work).

Hosted by Cecily and MamaGeek

Common Sense (Well, at least it made sense at midnight)

As Thomas Paine said, "Society in every state is a blessing, but Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state an intolerable one: for when we suffer, or are exposed to the same miseries BY A GOVERNMENT, which we might expect in a country WITHOUT GOVERNMENT, our calamity is heightened by reflecting that we furnish the means by which we suffer."

He was clairvoyant. He was writing about the future Daylight Savings Time. Why do we put up with this crap anyways? This is the U.S. of A. for Pete's Sake. Why don't we just vote this silly clock changing nonsense into history???? I figure that the time change has us in such a stupor that we can't think straight until the next fall and then we are just so glad to get an extra hour of sleep that we shut up and put up with it. Well, wake up all you groggy people and write your congressman.

I have been a mess ever since the time change and it is worse because they keep springing it on us earlier than ever. Eventually, it will totally meet up in January where we will go forward one Sunday and fall back the very next and we'll have to call it darkness savings time if this keeps up. My kids are a mess. too. Behavior is in the toilet and everyone is stressed out. No one is keeping up with chores and homework as well and sleep schedules are a wreck. I drag around all day and then wake up when it's time to go to bed. All this for an extra hour of daylight in the evening? If you want more sun, get up earlier. (Or sleep outside and sleep in, getting the best of both worlds.) But it gets worse. Criminals are having a hard time adjusting too. Since the time change, bail hearings have been taking three times as long as usual because we have so many more people to process. And they are doing more rash things than normal. People who are barely keeping it together or are already over the edge do not need a push further down the cliff. Think about this, DST abolition is a public safety issue. It's a health issue too. Apparently, heart attacks rise in the days following the switch as well. And productivity drops significantly too. I ask you, does our economy need this?

What is so great about having light at night, anyways? Did you ever meet a child that believes it's bedtime before dark? Did you realize we could start the fireworks earlier on the Fourth of July if we left things well enough alone? But my best argument is this: Arizona and Hawaii are doing JUST FINE without it! Do you see anyone complaining and asking for it there? No, they are complaining about the other 48 stupid states that are not in sync with them. Oh, I just can't resist digressing here to say that once this poor Russian interpreter from Arizona I met at an over the phone interpreting conference told how the first time everyone else switched times, she didn't know and so was not there for the first hour of her shift that was sent to her from an out of state agency. Her supervisor said she should have been aware of it and known to switch. this just makes me roll my eyes because who in their right mind thinks, "Gee, what if all of the sudden, everyone but Arizona changed their clocks and I didn't know about it. I better find out if that ever happens. "? (Sorry, that's been bugging me for YEARS. Sometimes it's just better to get things off your chest right away, I guess.)

Lastly, you might want to know that if we don't reform, this kind modus operandi can get way out of hand. I heard on the radio that some people think we all ought to have the same time all over the world. Like, if we decide Tokyo is the right time, we all set our clocks to it, and us people on the other side of the world will just have to have our days at night, because, then American business men who have lots of business with Tokyo can be in sync with them. Don't even go there, I know you are thinking that the true time is Chicago time, but we don't need to do anything else to upset the rest of the world right now either. It's all ridiculous because EACH PERSON can just get up and work and play and eat and travel and call people on the other side of the world and bathe and go to bed and sleep WHENEVER works best for them and their activities and jobs.

And so, as I began, I will quote Thomas with a few twists: Wherefore, laying aside all state pride and prejudice in favour of modes and forms, the plain truth is that IT IS WHOLLY OWING TO THE CONSTITUTION OF THE PEOPLE, AND NOT TO THE CONSTITUTION OF THE GOVERNMENT that time is not as oppressive in Arizona and Hawaii as it is in _________ (fill in any of the other great 48.) Wake up everyone else, day or night, and let's demand our government stop moving time. There's plenty of other things that need moving and shaking.

The New Adolescence

You know, people really do sort of ignore the middle aged woman. Young women and younger mothers get a lot of publicity and even old ladies do, but in the middle? We sort of don't seem to exist in our popular culture. It's a mysterious age, the forty-something. So, I decided I'd better figure out what I was up against a while back and read up on menopause. Menopause itself is actually a destination. An arrival point. To what, I'm not sure. A newer and wiser kind of adulthood, I hope. At least you won't have to worry about being pregnant during that stage. All the stuff they tell you about menopause is really peri-menopause, or the nasty stuff you have to go through to arrive there. And it dawned on me as I read about it, that this all sounded familiar in a twisted sort of way. There were a lot of parallels with adolescence. Adolescence is that nasty stage that leads us to adulthood. Why, this was just a different kind of adolescence. Now, I may be new on the scene. The closest I've come to a hot flash was when the kids turned the heater on in the summer and it got up to 95 degrees before I noticed. I'm really hoping to avoid that symptom, but some of the other symptoms are certainly making themselves manifest. It is all starting to become crystal clear in my mind how these two ages relate. So, I now present to you a comparison of Adolescence and Middle Age.

In adolescence, your body starts changing. You shoot up in height (unless you're me) and your breasts and hips fill out. You hardly recognize those longer legs. And you grow hair in places you never had hair before. In middle age, your body starts changing. You shoot out all around your middle and your boobs deflate and sag. You hardly recognize those legs being taken over by cellulite and varicose veins. You lose hair in places you always expected it and grow new silver hair all over in it's place. And finally, after all these years you understand the three little pigs' declaration about the hair on their chinny chin chin. And nose hair? What's up with that? Is there a reason why we need more, or is it just growing longer?

In adolescence, girls are self conscious in white pants because they just never know when that unreliable "monthly visitor" will appear and leave them in an embarrassing spot. Gradually, over time, it gets more predictable. In middle age, women relive this uncertainty in reverse order.

In adolescence, you experience new feelings and sensations you never felt before. In middle age you feel new feelings and sensations you never expected yet, like stiff joints and aching backs.

In adolescence, your eyes can't help but wander towards those boys. In middle age, your eyes can't help but roll at those men. Teenagers may need a cold shower now and then to cool their hormones off. Middle agers may need a cold shower now and then to wash off the sweat bath. Adolescent girls may be advised to keep their legs crossed when hanging out with boys. Middle aged women may be advised to keep their legs crossed when sneezing. Teenagers may have problems focusing on important tasks what with the social distractions. Middle agers may forget what the task at hand was or where they put it down, what with all the interruptions.

Adolescents have a hard time getting enough sleep, with that social calendar, screens to stare at, and your latest love to think about, talk on the phone to, or text with all night long. Middle agers have a hard time getting their bodies to shut down and go back to sleep after the teenagers, or their bladder, wakes them up.

Adolescents have little foresight. Forty somethings have little eyesight. Adolescents can't hear their parents because they have an ipod plugged in their ears. Plus, selective hearing is a natural defense mechanism to get them off the hook a lot. Middle agers can't hear their children because they have wax plugged in their ears. Plus they have become deaf and desensitized to all their progeny's whining and wailing, as a natural defense mechanism to preserve sanity.

In adolescence, you might despair when you look in the mirror and find your face has broken out in zits overnight. In middle age, you might despair when you look in the mirror and find your face has broken out in wrinkles, seemingly overnight. Plus, the zits still pop out too. Good thing you are so much more self confident than you were the first time around.

Adolescent girls find themselves being uncontrollably moody, irritable or weepy for no apparent reason. Forty something women do too, but on top of that, nature has played a cruel trick on her and most likely she is dealing with this at the same time her adolescent daughter is too. It's like living in a blender. Nothing like a ride on the wild side, right?

In adolescence, you have so many possibilities looming ahead of you and big decisions about what you'll do when you get out of high school. In middle age, you have so many possibilities looming ahead of you and big decisions about what you'll do when your nest is empty.

So, sit back, relax and don't worry about middle age. You're ready! You already had a trial run once when you went through adolescence. Am I right, Mom?

I'd Better Not Die

When I left off on current events in my household, I had gone on strike. My eldest was supposed to do the cooking and washing and supervise folding and storing of clothes. Everyone was going to do their best effort to quickly yet efficiently get ready in the morning and do their chores. They were going to go above and beyond their normal level of independence and irresponsibility so that mom could take care of the huge pile of tree pulp taking over the house and turn them into useful files.
People, I found out what my home would be like if I were gone, and it was not a pretty picture. There is a lot more work to be done here. So much so that it boggles my mind and I had to stop the paper craze on Thursday and do a full crack-the-whip cleaning session with the kids. I also kept having to deal with the pool, which I didn't get connected securely enough to the pump last week. In spite of that, and work, and the fact that I had to take time out to go to 2 Enrichment* activities, just to get a good meal, and the lights all burnt out in the room I was working in when I was ALMOST done, I now have reduced the mess to 4 boxes of file folders, all categorized and almost all the way minimized. Now that they're in categories, I can further purge or separate each file one by one to something even more concise. Don't withdraw any entries in any contest for a free neat consultation or anything, though, I have a long way to go towards being organized, neat and efficient. So, now that I'm feeling lighter and free from that burden hanging over my head I can go on living, all with new purpose because I know how bad things would be around here without me. That was so refreshing, I can't wait to get the 140 page translation done and purge the dumping ground called my office. FIRST however, we are going to have some fun!
On another sad note, my little sweetheart Coleman had a spinal tap that showed cancer cells. If you have a prayer to spare for him and his family, or would join in fasting for him the next 2 Sundays, it would be appreciated. He's already had his max of radiation treatments, and the stem cell transplant was the highest level of chemo available, so things are starting to look pretty bad. His team will meet and then talk with the parents in a week or so. They also plan to get 2nd an 3rd opinions. They have looked into different clinical trials at John Hopkins and all but so far, there's nothing that he fits the protocol for. If they find there is some treatment they can try, they'll have to weigh the possible outcomes and if it is worth it to put him through more or not-all very hard decisions. I can't stand the thought of his twin Caden losing his best buddy. It would be nice if a few angelic people could stay here with us. You know, to show us all the ropes. His parents are very great, spiritual people and I know they would appreciate your prayers. Also, if you go to his carepage, back a few posts, you can learn about how to participate in their petition. He also has an ongoing pay it forward campaign- do something nice for someone in his name.
Now, I just learned that I may be small, but I think big thoughts! See the Mormon Mommy Blogs on my really old and severely in need of an update but I'm embarrassed how long it will be blogroll over there on my sidebar? If you go to that interesting site, I'm listed under people who think big thoughts. Who'da thunk! I was thinking of maybe thinking big important thoughts sometime soon. I'm not sure how Sue knew that though. The pressure is killing me now to think big. It's a fun little spot and I have found more wonderful people and posts there to distract me from what I should be doing. If you are LDS* you have to go laugh at Seriously, So Blessed- a spoof on newlywed Utah couples.

(* Mormon Terminology)
_________________________________________________________________
I got tagged! By Carrie.
Here's the scoop: It's called Weird things on my table, which originated at Ship full O' Pirates. rules are:Any table will do.
Any number, descending order or not.
The things don’t even have to be weird, maybe unique, or maybe just out of place.
Pictures please.
No obvious set ups, unless it’s hilarious.
Tag some folks and link back here.

OK, this is going to be the weirdest thing you ever saw,
I'm not sure how this happened, but there was NOTHING on either of these tables in my own house when I got tagged: 2x0, guys! Honest to goodness. Twilight zone material. Of course, the fact that there were watermelon rinds in the clean laundry pile taking over the family room and spilled scrambled eggs and a plate under the living room couch at the time could shed some light on the subject. Too bad I didn't think to take pictures of those visuals as I was on my way to get the camera at the time I saw them, so I could take pictures of these empty tables. I forced the little people to clean up their mess before that ever occurred to me.
I can donate some old pictures to the tag :
This fits the use everything else as a table theme that we have going here, but what this arrangement was all about, I will never know. It is roughly 18 lids and 1 cup.
I couldn't leave this tag without posting the classic what's on my table picture:Surprise, not a cake! 1 bad baby!

I'll try to come back and post once more before I go have "fun", and on my return I hope to find time to finish the story of falling to my doom for Sunday. If I'm lucky, I'll get some good pictures along the way.

Little But Loud

Well, Internet explorer is still good for something after all!

This is just a sampling-wish there was a way to catch those

crazier moments when everyone's on their own track at once!

It Depends...

Did you know that the recommended daily allowance of water a day is 8-12 eight ounce glasses? If you're like me, I don't have the brain cells to fit water consumption into my daily routine, so it is hit and miss how much I consume. Then I read an article about the health benefits of drinking water. Did you know it helps keep your blood the right consistency and improves heart health? It also helps lubricate your joints, which helps with arthritis symptoms. Plus, it increases blood flow to the skin, making it healthier looking and reducing wrinkles. On top of all that, It helps your whole digestive system to work more regularly and helps regulate your body temperature and fight infections.

Well, after reading all that, I thought maybe it would be worth my while to work on drinking more water. Amazingly enough, I found that when I started trying to drink enough water, my skin did look a lot better and my joints felt a lot better, too. There's just one catch. If I plan on straying too far from home, like to say take a kid to school or something, I find that I may soon end up needing something like this:

I don't want to find out where all the public restrooms between school and home are, and I don't want to go back to buying diapers anytime soon. Catch 22; either I run around wrinkly, creaky and dehydrated or I live with an overactive bladder. Kegel exercises, anyone?

Worldwide Wacky Web-Change Yourself!

Want to waste some time having fun with your family? Go to this site http://morph.cs.st-andrews.ac.uk/Transformer/
The save function isn't working right now so I can't show you examples (pity, pity) But you put in a picture of yourself or family member, or friend, answer some questions and then line things up for them and then click on different items on a drop down menu to see yourself as a different race, sex, age, painting, as an ape person, etc. Some options work better than others, but it is hilariously fun. Just a tip, when placing the borders try to line up your nose in the middle top to bottom, left to right and try to use a face straight on pose. Then make sure you line up the eye circles and mouth as centered as possible. I found that if your irises are pretty much the same size as the eye circles, (adjust the border to zoom in or out,) then the eyes look better. My favorite of me was as a man, I looked like my younger brother with longer hair and lip gloss on. I liked the African American as well. The kid's photos were really fun to age them to adults with and Papi as a white guy, a baby, and an El Greco painting were hilarious. What are you waiting for? Go have some fun!

Oh, Great!

I was dreaming that the floor was a mess, crumbs and things strewn all over. (It was a very realistic dream.) I was trying so desperately hard to find the broom and dustpan so that I could clean it up but someone or something kept interrupting my search. It was so true to life, it was annoying. Not only do I have to live through this in my waking hours, I had to deal with it while I slept. Finally, for the umpteenth time, I turned to search for the broom. Suddenly, I woke up. Now that messy floor is forever trapped somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind where I will never be able to access it and clean it. It will always be a wreck. ARG! (Any dream analysts out there?)

Technorati Tags: dreams,floors

Utahns Anonymous: Allergic to Utah?

I was really excited when I went to the local health food store and looked in the seasonal allergies section to find some homeopathic drops against UTAH. Yes, Utah drops. To build up your resistance against Utah. Brilliant. I didn't need a sales pitch, I got them. Just had to pass that on to all the members of Utahns Anonymous.

I also got this funny thing called a neti pot because now they have plastic ones, and ceramics and my children don't mix well. What, may you ask, is a neti pot? Some thing from India, or so they say. I didn't really research it, like the Swedish weight loss stuff on the radio that is obviously fake because everyone in Sweden is not svelt, I only needed to research my brain on that one, plus there are plenty of Utahns of Swedish ancestry and they are not all skinny either. Plus, the chick doing the commercial had the worst ever fake Swedish accent I have ever heard.

Which brings us back to neti pots. I was so busy researching the un Swedishness of the commercial that I didn't have time to research the neti pots. Whether or not they are really from India, they are little pots that look something like a genie's lamp. You fill them with saline water and then you irrigate your nostrils with it. Sounds crazy, but if you are allergic to say Utah (or technically all the pollen in the Utah air) and you still want to have a garden, then the best medical advice I ever got is once you finish outside, you take a shower (inside) and wash your hair and irrigate your nostrils and then put on fresh un pollinated clothing and you will be surprised how much better your allergies are. Since I didn't have a neti pot before, I just had to snort water, which makes you feel like you've been down a nasty waterslide or something, so this is much nicer. Weird as all get out, but nicer.

I am a little shocked, but pleased that I still have a shred of pride left and I will not be making a home video of this to put up on youtube. Papi finds it pretty funny though. If you hold your head just so, you will perform a magic trick. As you pour the water into one nostril, it ever so gently pours out the other nostril and you don't feel like someone shot the garden hose up your nose either. This worked really well on the first side I tried, but then on the second side, it never dripped out the other nostril. I was getting a little concerned that maybe I had a bean up my nose (that's for my mom) but it wasn't coming back out or building up there, so it was obviously going somewhere, or else, gasp! What everyone else already suspected, I have a hole in my head. Whatever hole it went into, it eventually drained into my Eustachian tubes and now 5 days later I don't hear any banging around in there any more. I also figured out how to get it to drain out of the right place and my brain feels cleaner already. So clean, that I will never, ever, ever become a Utahn no matter how long I live here. And I'm not sneezing hardly at all!

Dolphin's Discovery Channel

...Although the homo sapiens is by far the species that most widely manipulates materials in it's environment to create tools, there is a curious aspect to this inventiveness. The male creates or brings home a tool with the intent of using it to say, repair their habitat. The female however, is the most creative of all, for she has figured out more ways to use the tools for new and unique purposes the original tool maker never imagined.
Take this mother homo sapiens for example. She is using two tools, normally used by her species to prepare food, to clean up after her young. The younglings have playfully smashed what is called a boiled egg, shell and all, and thrust it into a hole. This hole is normally used to drain water out of the dwelling. This might not seem important to the dolphin, but remember that the homo sapiens cannot live in an underwater habitat.
Since the young had previously dropped a spherical plaything into the hole, the smashed food completely plugged the orifice, causing water to build up in a receptacle immediately surrounding it, and threatening to overflow into the dwelling. The mother quickly remembers all the objects in her habitat with her astounding visual memory, and mentally calculates their possible use in the given circumstances. She then retrieves these two tools normally used in food preparation. They have just the shape and consistency to scoop up the offending substance, thus unplugging the vital hole. The male of the species most likely would simply avoid the hole and close off the water supply into the habitat until he dehydrates and the young would insist on letting the water run in continually and try to adjust to an underwater habitat. It is apparent that the species would not survive without the adult female.