Every day I find myself saying something to the kids and somehow, I just don't say what I mean to. I'm not sure what disorder we can attribute this to, but I need treatment fast.
For example, every single night of my life, I think I say to my kids, "It's time to get ready for bed. Go brush your teeth, take a shower and get to bed." That's what I think and that's what I'd swear comes out of my mouth. But, no. Apparently that is not what I say, not even when I repeat myself because the minute they tune into my message, they run off to the kitchen and start foraging for food. The only conclusion I can draw from this is that I must really be saying, "Go eat."
The same thing happens when I tell them to do their chores. I think I say "Get to work," instead, I appear to be saying, "Go have a snack," because off they go to build sandwiches. Do your homework? No, I'm still asking them to eat more. Get ready for church, school, the dentist, a party, the store, you name it? No matter where I send them, it somehow comes out "Go to the fridge, leave the freezer and fridge doors wide open while trying to decide whether or not to consume every single item inside."
Please, help me someone, before my spoken vocabulary is reduced to one single imperative word- "Eat!" (And the sad part? When I mean to say eat? They don't obey.)