Tuesday, December 18, 2007


I'm sure you are dying to see pictures of our spectacular candy sculptures. Well, we did them. At least we started, but then the whole neighborhood decided to come play at our house and someone decided he was starving to death and would die if he didn't eat right away, but he was too tired to actually make something, but that's ok, he would just go to his room and die so I could continue to help my progeny and their cohorts decorate the tree we formed out of poster board. So I helped make the sculpture while making dinner because the guilt trip worked, because that someone just replaced the dryer tube so the lint in it wouldn't catch on fire and the clothes would start drying again, thus making all my efforts to clean out the lint that fell below the lint catcher and down into the machine the other day all worth it, and he even repositioned the washer and dryer to the back of the laundry room thus opening it up incredibly, so the least I could do was feed the guy. Of course that was before I actually used them in the new position and found that the drawer to put the detergent and FABRIC SOFTENER into would no longer open all the way seeing as how they now ran into the tube that comes out of the water heater, and the water heater got turned down in the process so we didn't have warm water for a whole day because of course when I realized it in the a.m., I didn't have the time to fix it and then of course I forgot it till night when people started trying to bathe again, after having a very much needed but very impromptu haircut by an ignoramus in the arena of hair cutting, and, being sensory challenged, waiting for the water to heat was a nightmare, and the worst part of all this isn't even the run-on sentence, it's that when you lean in to take the clothes out of the dryer, when you go to stick your head back up, because you can't remember to keep ducking even though in the last 56 hours or so you have moved about 12 loads of laundry, you hit your head on the shelf that used to be over and behind the two units, nearly knocking yourself unconscious, and all in the name of clean clothes, you will soon have permanent brain damage, and you don't dare tell him what's happening, because he worked so hard to do this for you that you don't have the heart to tell him he's got to move the shelves, and he did fix the drawer situation after all. Amen. I just love run on sentences. Did you know that little neighbor ladies in Chile can talk like that over the fence to each other without even taking a break to breathe in because they have learned to keep talking while inhaling? It's amazing. I can even do it if I concentrate. It was so depressing when I got there and the little boy at my house talked so fast I couldn't keep up with him. When I came home and met people from other Spanish speaking countries I thought they were all Chicanos and that's why they must talk so slow. Turns out they are talking at a normal speed. Hmm. I'm avoiding the inevitable. I learned this tactic from Gigio. There is a fine art to spinning around doing nothing so hard that you can actually avoid doing something. Something you should do. OK, guess. How did you expect the sculpture project to turn out? Your expectations were probably more realistic than mine, because I wasn't being realistic at all. I don't know what made me think we could actually finish a project like that. It actually took a herculean effort to start it. The boys got bored by the time they were about 1/4 of the way through and ran off to play at their friend's house. I tried to finish, but dinner kept getting in the way. Papi was dead, and Enigma was on her hot date that she had fun at and according to her she DIDN'T KISS HIM, because everyone in the universe apparently wanted to know if they were going to kiss. This kid she went with is the kind that drags out stuff longer than Sam and what's her name on Cheers so everyone is like waiting with bated breath for them to give in and end season 5 or whatever with the long anticipated kiss. I was shocked they made it to the date without getting in a fight. Boy, is that Gigio a great teacher! You will never find out that people kept picking at what was built of the candy tree, way faster than I could stick more candy on it, and tonight it was officially bare. Oops! I told. Accidentally. I learned that trick from Carino. I didn't have the heart to take a picture. I just chucked the thing.
I ate all the leftover candy that didn't get stolen from me when I got another letter informing me that April Fools! We're not going to reduce your pay by 36%, we're going to reduce it by 45%. Oh happy whatever to you too. And so you are witnessing the beginning of the death of an industry. Next they will be opening call centers in India to interpret into Spanish. For Americans who want to communicate, in any one of 140 languages, but need an interpreter to understand the interpreter. Just a prediction. The professionals will be going elsewhere. Unfortunately, some of us are professional moms and can't go work at the UN.
Here's some pictures. Not of the candy tree. Just the Christmas decorations. Remember, half of them already died. Gone, zip, not there, not even their skeletons.

Somebody's get up and go, got up and went!

See the beautiful wreath under the tree? Gotta love the guy.

Tips for would be candy sculptors: 1. Glue the candy on with super glue, not with frosting. You'll at least have a great display of m&m guts after they try to bite all the candy off. 2. Don't let the twins run the mixer. 3. Don't leave the camera in reach of the 9 year old. 4. Don't tell him to stop it when he points the camera at you; you will just look even more old and dorky than usual and someone will probably try to use that photo to accuse you to CPS for neglect because the twins are temporarily unattended at the mixer. Disclaimer: no fingers were chopped off in the making of this frosting. Please remind me at least once a month that I should never ever hold the camera sideways while using the video mode of my camera!!! I need help!

The life of the party:



Burgh Baby's Mom said...

Woman, you're killing me with the lack of punctuation. I feel frazzled just reading that first paragraph!

The Christmas decorations look very purdy. Good job!

Shellie said...

That was the idea, a frazzled sort of feeling to this post ;)

Darla said...

Oh, this has been fun reading your blog! I just can't sit more than about 30 seconds (and I am not exaggerating at ALL) without interruptions or having to leave the computer so I am having a hard time reading back to the last time I read. That run-on sentence was great...it gives the feel of the "frazzlement" going on! I know that feeling pretty well! :) Can't wait to really sit down and read the last few posts of yours...I cheated and went and watched the video clips already. Is that the extent of your snowfall? Green grass and swim trunks included in your snowy weather! We have the real MN weather going on here! I'm remembering that you're in Texas, right? Let's see how my memory is serving me...now I'm going to post this and go check your profile! :)

Darla said...

Oh, oops!!! Now I remember! See how that works? I had read a bunch, scrolled down looking at all the pictures, SAW ALL THE SNOW in the pictures, then looked at the video clip of the snow on the trampoline...only that video clip stuck long enough from that hour or so ago that I was going through this. NOW I won't forget! :)

Pam said...

Love your pictures! They look great! Thanks for stopping by my blog! I love to meet other bloggers and find new blogs to read. I have been without internet for 3 days so I hope you will swing by again sometime! Thanks for comments - your comment about forgiveness really hit the spot!

Kellan said...

You are CRAZY and this was a crazy day, but so much fun to hear about!!! I love the sideways videos - too funny. Take care and I hope you have a great day. See ya. Kellan

carrie & troy keiser said...

Oh how you make me laugh! :D I love to come here for your run-on sentences that make me want to read them as fast as they would be said! love the unattended twins! Attended mine are dangerous, unattended would be a nightmare {course mine ore only 3!} \:D

Ritsumei said...

Too funny - I think the punctuation is perfect: it conveys exactly what it's supposed to, lol!

And I've done that sideways thing with my camera videos too. It's a bummer.

Thanks for visiting my blog!