Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Dying of Laughter Here

My parents sent this to me and I just had to pass it on to everyone because it is too funny!

First Date ..

If you didn't see this on the Tonight show, I hope
You're sitting down when you read it. This is probably the funniest date
Story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates...but this
Takes the cake.

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most
Embarrassing first date that a woman ever had.

The winner described her worst first date experience.
There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize! She
Said it was midwinter... Snowing and quite cold...and the guy had taken
Her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City, Utah.

It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers,
After all, and truly had never met before. The outing was fun but
Relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon.
They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to
Realize that she should not have had that extra latte.

They were about an hour away from anywhere with a rest
Room and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to
Hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy
Snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had
Better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front
Seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car,
Yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good
Footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady

Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for
Traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All
She could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather
Embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon
Became aware of another sensation.

As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady
Discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender.
Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she
Attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly
Apparent that she had a brand new problem due to the extreme cold.

Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of
The moment, she answered her date's concerns about "what is taking so
Long" with a reply that indeed, she was "freezing her butt off and in
Need of some assistance! "

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself
With her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he
Burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally
Managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma.

Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also
Were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot
To free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal!

Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament
In the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to
Get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first-time date
Proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender.

As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the
Tonight Show prize hands down... Or perhaps that should be "pants down".
And you thought your first date was embarrassing.

Jay Leno's comment ... "This gives a whole new meaning
To being pissed off."

Oh, and how did the first date turn out? He became her
Husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno Show


Burgh Baby said...


Anonymous said...

OMG I'm laughing my ass off!!! That is HILARIOUS!!! Thanks for putting some fun in to my normal day at work :-)

Pam said...

Seriously funny stuff!

The Sports Mama said...

Oh my.

I'm sitting here typing with one hand so I can keep the other clamped over my mouth while I laugh! :)

Kalynne Pudner said...

Shellie, I hereby dub you an honorary member of the Seven-Up Club!

I decline to comment on the date story, but I will suggest that Common Mom is fortunate to only be laughing hers off...all things considered.

Maria said...

OMG! That is unbelievable. I guess the only thing you COULD do is laugh about it. And how could you NOT marry the man that knows that much about you?

Lijy said...

this is really good, just awesome. i cant stop laughing....
i cant wait to tell my friends about it.

Janette Rallison said...

Oh. My. Goodness.

I have been married 21 years and I still don't think I could do that.

Brillig said...

I think I might have just peed myself...

(Had to read this one out loud to hubby. We're both laughing so hard we're crying!)

Andrea said...

Wow -- what a story to tell the grandkids! That was so great!!

Fourier Analyst said...

Seriously, the only thing to do was to marry a guy who was so understanding.