Tuesday, October 14, 2008

The Only Child

After living in my current state for too many years, I finally had a chance to leave, and let me just say this. I am SOOO over Utah! What a frozen tundra of a desert state. What am I doing here when verdant temperate California awaits me? It's dangerous, really dangerous to let me out into the real world again. I controlled myself and came home. Even more dangerous is leaving the state without 6 other people in tow. Whom I love dearly, but...

Carino wrote this paper at school last month:

Being the only child.

I wont to be the only child. But I have 4 brothers and one sister. If I was the only child I could get whatever I wont.

It is so cool being the only child.

I bet it is awsome.

I like being the only child.

This made me chuckle. Not sure who the 4th brother is, either.

After spending the weekend alone with him, I could write my own little theme:

Having Carino for an Only Child

I want to have Carino for my only child.

But I have 1 daughter and 4 sons. If Carino were the only child, I could do whatever I want, most of the time. I could control my own destiny, probably.

It would be so cool if he were the only child, because if he were, I would think I was a stellar parent. I would have time to dote on him and listen to him, to play with him. I could sign him up for lots of sports and still have time to make dinner. I would almost never have to scream.

He would tell me how much he loves me 5 times a day, and almost never ever get mad or show his obnoxious side without siblings around to provoke him. He would open doors for me and offer to carry things for me. He would say please and "Thank you for doing so many neat things for me, mom!" and act like a totally awesome little boy. He would pay more attention to me and almost always do what I say. He would go to sleep within 5 minutes of getting in bed.

I bet it is awesome to have free time every evening and still get to bed on time.

I love having Carino for the only child.

But, alas, I'd miss the other 4 hellions. To make a long story short, we made it to the conference. It was sort of like a presidential debate, actually because there are two schools of thought out there in the medical community with regards to the best ear reconstruction methods. We met lots of little kids with similar faces and their parents, meeting similar challenges. It was pretty fun. We met another Utah family. In California. Of course. There is no escaping Utah. They were nice people though so I was glad not to escape. We had a CT scan and appointments with 5 doctors. Now we have a lot of homework to do. It was good they saw Carino, because they had second and third opinions, and brought up more complications. We did get some answers. We still don't know exactly what we'll do, but at least we have lots of info and things to look into to decide. It could be a full time job. Too bad I'll need another full time job to pay for all the treatments he needs. I thought going back to Utah would be so depressing, but at the airport, we went to use the restroom and found a Family Restroom, big enough to fit the whole Duggar family in it! Some things about Utah are so fun! Then we got on a shuttle bus to go to the parking lot. It was crammed full. A lady offered us the last seat. Carino sat down next to her. When she got up to leave, she patted his hands and jumped off the bus. When I looked down at Carino again, he was holding a Ziploc bag full of coins, an amazed look on his face. Who was that masked lady? God bless her wherever she is, she made our day! Gnight, all!


Darla said...

So cute! Don't you have those days that you can wish, at different times for each of the kids, that you could have the one-on-one time as if they were the only one? But you would never want to do without the rest nor would you ever want to give up the chaos of the whole batch? I know that some of my kids have wished the same and even vocalized it. I don't blame 'em but I don't, at the same time, feel sorry for them either!

Isn't it too bad that things like surgeries and such just cost so darned much?

Nice post and good to hear from you!

Joanna said...

Aww that was nice of her.

I hope you got a lot of questions answered and a plan to follow as that brings peace. The unknown is what throws me for a loop.

Elizabeth said...

How sweet. God sure does put people in the right place at the right time, huh?
Glad you made it back safe and sound. Blessings, E

4boyzmdmom said...

Very cute! I have often thought how nice each of my kids would be all the time if they didn't have brothers to fight with and bring out the worst in them! But then who knows how they would learn to get along with other people...their wives are probably going to have it a lot easier because they had brothers! It's amazing to me how much quieter and calmer it is when even one boy is gone for a while...I am telling you, kids are exponential. 1+1 does not equal 2. More like 5! I'm glad you had a nice trip and I hope the information you got will help you figure out what is best for Carino.

RAQ said...

I am glad you had a good experience. There are many tender mercies in that story and I loved the poems--priceless! I actually have only thought what it would be like if we stopped at Emily--boring!

Karen said...

I love those letters! I've thought numerous times, too, how much better of a mom I'd be if I didn't have to share my time. But I never thought about how good my kids would be. That would reflect back to me being such a great mom, though.


Seriously, as nice as having so much one-on-one time would be, I wouldn't trade my pack for the world.

McEwens said...


Carrie and Troy Keiser said...

Love the essays!
How awesome to have a guardian angel sitting next to him!
Sorry about all the upcoming decisions.... good luck.

The Cranes said...

Frozen tundra of a state--I'll have to remember that one. You can tell Carino that all of the "only child" children I have known complain about being terribly bored and lonely a lot. They were envious of me (or one of my children) because of the siblings. Not that he will believe it..I remember as a kid not getting why those "only child" children weren't deliriously happy! I liked living in a big family, though, even back then. Now as an adult I KNOW I definitely had a better deal, despite the fact that I didn't get to take gymnastics lessons--I wouldn't change a thing about our big family. I love your essay, too. Amen to that. But I definitely couldn't give up any of mine, either.

We will pray that you will be guided in making the best decisions for Carino's care. Glad you got to go to the conference. Wish I had millions to give you to pay for it all!

BoufMom9 said...

What an adorable post.
Your son sounds a lot like a lot of my kids, always wishing they were only children, but I just know they would miss one another. (and of course, so would I)
Glad you had a good experience in CA. Hoping it will help you in your decision making.

Anonymous said...

Wow that was really nice of her. It's good to hear a story like this every once in a while to renew your faith in our society. Thanks for sharing.

As for the only child part, uh well, I'm an only child and I feel horrible for not being nicer to my mom now since that's what only children are supposed to do ... :)

caramama said...

I'm glad the conference went well and you got some answers and more opinions! And yeah for random nice strangers!