Sunday, September 2, 2007

Next Blast- The Twins' Dayplanner @ 2004

A page from D&D’s day planner-age 2.

( just fill the D's in with any descriptive name:

Demolition & Destruction, Disaster & Diablo...)


(Basic Guidelines: Help each other or divide and conquer by distracting mom with one activity while your brother starts the next.)

1. Remove safety plugs from all outlets,

Pull all electrical plugs in the house.

Find all the pens in the house. Jam them in the light sockets.

Bend and break them, spewing ink all over.

Spread the ink around.

2. Dump out all the drawers and cupboards you can get into.

3. Climb into window frames, swing on the blinds.

Open window latches. Bang all the windows with as hard an object as you can find.

4. Climb up dresser drawers, empty dresser drawers,

dissect and slime everything in the dresser drawers.

5. Get into as many electronic items as possible.

Analyze them: see what they will do.

Dismantle them to see why they work and what you can stuff into them.

6. Take a break and play with toys a while, stick cars into door and window jams. Yell “Stuck!

7. Torture the dog.

8. Whack each other over the head with as many toys as possible.

9. Get brooms or any other long object and clean off the walls and countertops.

10. See how many things you can climb to the top of. Get into dad’s important stuff on top of his dresser

11. Jump on all the beds.

12. Bounce from one sofa to another.

13. Spin in the big chair till you’re ready to barf;

Then pull all the cushions off the sofas;

Dump over and scoot all the other pieces of furniture you can.

14. Rip your clothes off as many times as possible.

Rip your diaper off in time to keep IT dry.

If you can’t do that, fight for your life to keep your diaper on at changing time. Fight for your life to keep your clothes off once you lose the first battle. While your brother fights for his life, yell and hit mom, step into or grab the messy diaper, yell EWWW! Or if need be, take the opportunity to run do a dastardly deed while Mom’s busy alligator wrestling.

15. Undo child safety locks, find all the sharp objects possible and run with them in your mouth.

16. Digest books, literally.

17. Test your lungs. Scream bloody murder.

18. Get boogers out and say “Eeewww!”

19. Get into the q-tips and stick them in all the openings of your body.

20. Bite tips off all the markers you can find. Eat all the crayons.

21. Stop people from reading, writing, talking on the phone , loading the dishwasher, watching TV, cooking or folding laundry by getting in the middle of it.

22. Kitchen Duty: Climb on dishwasher, empty it, sharp knives first! Then get the bottom basket out and push it around the floor. Get into the oven, climb onto the stove, remove all the knobs, spin the fan above, take out the light bulb. Scoot the bench to the kitchen counter, get into as much stuff as possible, mix up a “snack”. Climb on the table, broom in hand. Spin the ceiling fan round and round.

23. Thrash about and try to get out of Mom’s arms as she expels you from the kitchen, scream in her ear. Better yet, do the cheapo fireworks scream together with your brother, sending your mom’s ears into another dimension and summoning the fire department.

24. Pee next to the potty then push it all over the house like a toy car.

25. Rip the blankets and sheets off the beds, shake juice and milk out of bottles and sippy cups onto beds, couches and floors. Spit your juice and food on someone or something. Remember to swallow some too!

26. Play with the toys some more, then spread the pieces around.

27. Pull out dresser drawers or anything else handy to give you height and scoot it to all the doors and gates in the house and break in to rooms and closets.

28. Get out the vacuum, plug it in and turn it on. Suck your brother’s hair or diaper.

29. Give out hugs, kisses, bye byes, sad parting cries and clingy hello’s; beg for kisses on fake owies, share your food and toys, chase each other, push each other around in anything the other can fit into , laugh a lot, smile an impish smile an hour, dance along and sing along to everything. Make a million faces, beg for juice.

30. Pass out with an angelic look on your face and take a nap, just long enough to give you juice till midnight tonight.

31. While your Mom looks over you adoringly, dream of what you’ll do after your nap.

No comments: