Technical Difficulties

I have a curse. Aunt Karen said it's the Johnson curse. Who placed this curse on us? Nothing technological ever works for me. I tried to put a picture in the sidebar, but it gets stretched out like those fun house mirrors. I put a video on windows movie maker but apparently although it's supposed to be compatible with this, it is compatible with nothing, and I mean nothing! It goes on and on. Just for fun sometimes I can't get on here because it doesn't recognize my username. Etc, Etc, Etc. I could go on and on. I won't bore you with the details though. Every thing works like that. When I call for help on my computer and they try to guide me step by step through the problem, it doesn't work because my computer doesn't show the whatever it is they want me to click on. I swear, I do it just like they say. I take great pains to make sure I understand and follow exactly, but I always end up missing just what they need. Eventually they get frustrated and give up. Then there is the issue of bureaucracy always barfing on me. My husband says when my family gets together all we do is talk about insurance. I beg to differ; we talk about cars, computers, that stupid paper clip in word, and a million and one other appliances and hassles. I actually have a file folder for fiascoes. And you would talk about insurance too if you got the hospital bill because supposedly the insurance paid $ -500 on the claim.
An important thing to understand is that you must never, ever bring a new anything that runs on electricity into the house and not expect to have 3 other things in your house die out of jealousy. J. brought home a t.v., on a whim, like we need another one of THOSE, right? and immediately the microwave expired. My printer already sensed something was coming and croaked on me. I got a new part so that now I can print in black, if I copy twice. The first time it comes out all psycho. The van's driver side window is stuck partway down and winter is coming. Then the dishwasher died. It stopped draining. Luckily J. bothered to let me know about the shop vac he had under the landing the whole time I was going through the last annual Espinoza flood the basement day while he was in Chile. So now I had something to suck all the dirty water out of the dishwasher with. E. was freaking out.,"What are we going to do now? " I said we would live like when I was little, without a microwave. People have been living just fine without microwaves for thousands and thousands of years. Same thing with dishwashers. I never even bought one until right before the twins were born. Plus, we have paper plates! :) Then I got to thinking. So people lived without toilets for thousands and thousands of years. If the toilet broke down (which it has) (that reminds me, I need to put the plumber snake away and clean the bathroom and don't ask, that's what kept me up after midnight last night)So anyways, IF the toilet broke down, would I just go dig a hole in the yard? NO-O-O-O. So eventually I'll have to replace things.
I could probably have accomplished something astounding and impossible by now if it weren't for all the time I spend doing the impossible of resolving all these issues. So how do we get rid of this curse?