Utahns Anonymous: Allergic to Utah?

I was really excited when I went to the local health food store and looked in the seasonal allergies section to find some homeopathic drops against UTAH. Yes, Utah drops. To build up your resistance against Utah. Brilliant. I didn't need a sales pitch, I got them. Just had to pass that on to all the members of Utahns Anonymous.

I also got this funny thing called a neti pot because now they have plastic ones, and ceramics and my children don't mix well. What, may you ask, is a neti pot? Some thing from India, or so they say. I didn't really research it, like the Swedish weight loss stuff on the radio that is obviously fake because everyone in Sweden is not svelt, I only needed to research my brain on that one, plus there are plenty of Utahns of Swedish ancestry and they are not all skinny either. Plus, the chick doing the commercial had the worst ever fake Swedish accent I have ever heard.

Which brings us back to neti pots. I was so busy researching the un Swedishness of the commercial that I didn't have time to research the neti pots. Whether or not they are really from India, they are little pots that look something like a genie's lamp. You fill them with saline water and then you irrigate your nostrils with it. Sounds crazy, but if you are allergic to say Utah (or technically all the pollen in the Utah air) and you still want to have a garden, then the best medical advice I ever got is once you finish outside, you take a shower (inside) and wash your hair and irrigate your nostrils and then put on fresh un pollinated clothing and you will be surprised how much better your allergies are. Since I didn't have a neti pot before, I just had to snort water, which makes you feel like you've been down a nasty waterslide or something, so this is much nicer. Weird as all get out, but nicer.

I am a little shocked, but pleased that I still have a shred of pride left and I will not be making a home video of this to put up on youtube. Papi finds it pretty funny though. If you hold your head just so, you will perform a magic trick. As you pour the water into one nostril, it ever so gently pours out the other nostril and you don't feel like someone shot the garden hose up your nose either. This worked really well on the first side I tried, but then on the second side, it never dripped out the other nostril. I was getting a little concerned that maybe I had a bean up my nose (that's for my mom) but it wasn't coming back out or building up there, so it was obviously going somewhere, or else, gasp! What everyone else already suspected, I have a hole in my head. Whatever hole it went into, it eventually drained into my Eustachian tubes and now 5 days later I don't hear any banging around in there any more. I also figured out how to get it to drain out of the right place and my brain feels cleaner already. So clean, that I will never, ever, ever become a Utahn no matter how long I live here. And I'm not sneezing hardly at all!