Monday, June 9, 2008

To Papi, My Husband, Whom I Sleep With

5 minutes after good-nights are over and we are supposedly falling asleep.

He: Could you stop that?

She: What?

He: That scratching, it's wiggling the bed.

She: What? I barely moved my foot to gently scratch the other leg.

He: It still moves the bed.

She: No it doesn't. You should feel the bed when you put your shoes on in the morning, it feels like an earthquake. I don't know how you manage to bounce so much. (She wisely leaves the past in the past and doesn't mention the part about how that wasn't so great when she was having morning sickness and it gave her seasickness too).

He: Really?

She: Really!

He: Sorry, but it keeps me awake when you move. You know, sometimes when I come home in the middle of the night and you are asleep and I lie down and it's all still, I feel this lub dub, lub dub, lub dub from your side.

She: I'm so sorry, but I am not going to stop doing that, I can't.

He: I know, but my point is that even small movements bug me.

She: Sorry!....

She: My shoulder itches. I'll scratch as softly as possible. (scratch, scratch.)

She: Dang, now my back itches! (scratch, scritch, scratch.)

She: Arg! WHY did you say anything? Now everything itches, my leg, my arm, (scritch, scratch, scritch scritch scratch!) (Sigh!) Sorry, honey.

He: It's OK, I hope you're done.......

She: My bottom itches now.

He: Maybe I should help you. Whoosh-(lunges) OW! You scratched my eye! You're always attacking me!

She: What? I didn't even move! My head is resting on my hands! How could I scratch you?

He: I don't know, but you did.

She: Well, I don't think you were aiming for my toenails, so what's there to get scratched on? You just exaggerate everything.

He: No I don't! You scratched me.

She: Whatever.

She: Here, hold still and I'll kiss you better. ... What IS that? It's your nose! Let me find your mouth. Hold still, that's your nose again...knock it off, or I'll end up...ew sticking my finger up your nose!

He: Ha, ha ha ha ha ha! Giggle giggle!

Thing 1: (bleary eyed) Wha' happened? You guys be quiet?

He: Uh oh, now you did it, you woke the kid!

She: I woke the kid?! YOU woke the kid!

He: No, you're the one who started it.

She: Well, you're the one who's so loud.

He: I can't tell if I'm being loud.

She: That doesn't change anything, take him back to bed.

He: No, you take him back to bed.

She: Why me?

He: He's on your side.

She: Yeah, but your side is closer to the door.

He: You're the one who likes moving so much, you take him back to bed.

She: Fine, I can see that if we're ever going to get to sleep I will have to do it.

He: When you come back, just don't wiggle my side of the bed.

She: Yeah, right.

Good night. I love you.

He: I love you more.

She: Obviously, I love you more or I wouldn't be doing this.

He: If I didn't love you more, I wouldn't be here to do this.

She: Yeah but I took the kid back to bed, so I love you more.

He: I'm not listening....(I love you more)

She: Good Night (I really love you more).


La folle maman said...

Very cute! It's the opposite with us. DH is always the one waking me up when he flops around or worse, starts snoring loudly.

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOSH...I AM LAUGHING SO HARD!!!! haha hhaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!

Funny how he wanted to help our with your Butt Scratch....MEN!!!

This is just TOO funny :) I luv it!!

Kellan said...

How funny - I felt like I was right there in bed with you - scratching and stuff - HAHAHAHA!

Hope you had a good day - Kellan

Anna Maria Junus said...

Good thing about divorce - I get to sleep alone.

Which is a good thing since I'm all over the bed.

The Sports Mama said...

I love conversations like these at my house.... :)

Joanna said...

Wow this sounds like my coversations with my hubby.

Jennifer @ Fruit of My Hands said...


Lijy said...

that was good one. Specially the last couple of sentences.


Burgh Baby said...

Now that's true love right there. No doubt about it!

Ryanne said...

thanks for sharing that was hilarious! Ours usually have to do with mine elbowing me in the head as he puts his hands under his head...while he is sleeping

mommeeof10 said...

We have a king sized bed. It's still crowded with the almost 2 yr old who still sleeps with us and the 3 1/2 yr old who occasionally comes to our room.

Carrie and Troy Keiser said...

Thanks for the laughs! I can relate but it's him who does all the moving and thiefing and snoring!
My sister stopped by and told me you had a great conversation post that I HAD to read, she was right!

Elizabeth said...

Goofed...put my comment on this post at "web-change"'s only 11:30 and I think I need a nap.
Blessings, E

Victoria said...


There were times while pregnant when I thought I would throw up from DH moving, scratching, rolling, etc.

Dolly said...

This is exactly how my night-times sound too! Really-almost word for word...Thanks for making my life seem normal. Your awesome :D

caramama said...

The putting on of the shoes in the morning!!! That used to drive me nuts! Must he sit on the bed to do that?

Thankfully our new bed doesn't jiggle with every movement! Good luck with yours!

Theresa said...

This is so cute. Thanks for the chuckle!

Love T