Saturday, February 9, 2013

Paranormal Vortex at Walmart

Some life events are so bizarre, you just feel compelled to share them.  Some of us have more of these experiences than others, probably more than our fair share.  This is the other reason we feel we need to share.  We don't want you to miss out on the fun.

So, yesterday, I decided to make the fastest Walmart run of my life right after dropping off my kids at school and before working.  So, hah! I made it in and out of that place in under 30 minutes with close to 30 items! Isn't that awesome? It would be if it weren't for the fact that this is against the laws of nature and so nature threw up in my face.  When I got home and went to put the things away, I was missing the last things on the receipt!  I figure they were all in the same bag.  So after making sure it wasn't hiding in my car or house anywhere, I called Walmart.  The person I explained my sob story to said that this happened all too often and to just bring the receipt to customer service.  But maybe the bag was still there somewhere and they could just hold it for me, I wondered.  Oh, no, I was assured, they just put everything back on the shelves, so just bring in your receipt whenever.  "How trusting, Walmart." I thought, how do they make sure you're not just making this up?  By the time I finished work and went to get my kids I found out my twins were invited to a birthday party so we had to go get a present anyway.  Also, I had been trying to make a necklace but I just didn't have the right size jump rings to finish it, plus, I had discovered a big bag of avocados on my kitchen counter (after just buying a bag of 4!) so I figured it was a great night for Chilean hot dogs and I needed wieners and buns. So,  I went back to Walmart for the second time with my receipt and a son, to recover my lost items and get the other items I was looking for.
First, I have to deal with customer service.  I explain my story and you can see the doubt oozing out of the worker's being.  He gets a notebook where I am not noted.  Well, that would be because the person I spoke to never asked me my name or anything.  I quoted my whole conversation word for word. I exuded polite I'm not lying vibes and I intend to get my things or my money back vibes.  I guess I don't look like a crook, since he called someone to look up the videotapes to see if a bag was left around the time I was there. Finally I was allowed to go retrieve the same items, and as fate would have it, they were all still there.  We picked up our other items, and while not the fastest trip in the world, it wasn't the worst.  Then, I get home and go to put everything away, when what do I find in one of the bags?  An Axe deodorant.  What is not in my bag?  My jump rings.  Apparently, I got my way with Walmart and so nature was still upset with me.  On the way home, my jump rings turned into an Axe deodorant.

This is even cooler than the miracle of two fish multiplying into enough to feed five thousand! This is like two fish turning into enough pizza to feed 5000!  Except I really needed jump rings, not Axe. So maybe it's more like the two fish turning into 50 gallons of soap (that in any case the 5000 men probably needed as much as food). I looked at my receipt.  No Axe, just jump rings.  I rest my case, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY.  Today my husband asked me if I went back to straighten it out.  What was he thinking?  First of all, how do I explain that? Two times in 24 hours, I ask for something back again? they will think I'm trying to get a second something for free, or barter with deodorant in this case.  Or worse, they will think I'm a nutcase to insinuate that little circles of metal turned into deodorant.  They will show me the video of the jump rings going into the bag and not turning into deodorant.  They will at least say they did no wrong and the trunk of my minivan must be possessed.  I figure if I don't want to keep getting sucked into Walmart, I had better just quit while I'm ahead and pick up my jewelry making items at Jo Ann's instead.  (Note: this is not a hidden less than subliminal commercial for any franchise chain whatsoever, it's just what turned out to be more convenient.) Now my only problem is, will Walmart feel wronged by this? I just looked up the deodorant online and it is 88 cents more than the jump rings.  What if I just tip the customer service desk the next time I have no other choice but to go to Walmart?  What if I'm setting a bad Sunday School example of complete honesty with stores here?  Or could the fact that I am coupon deficient and can't price match to save my soul and thus always pay Walmart full price mean I deserve an 88 cent savings on something I didn't even want or need so maybe I can just give it to the homeless like the super coupon lady I saw on some talk show once?  Questions, questions.  The fact that I have spent more time in Walmart in the last 36 hours than I usually do in a month just cinches everything.  I don't even care what is morally right here, my mental health depends on me staying away from Walmart for a long time.  The end.  


4boyzmdmom said...

Maybe I am wrong to say this, but I don't think you should worry about the 88 cents! :)

Julie Moldenhauer said...

LOL!! So very funny.